So, Occasionally (like every 6 months, give or take) I check my very aged POF dating profile to see if.... I dunno... Something magically happened and there are all of a sudden all these hot, witty MEN on there that I am missing out on, here with my dog and laundry)
Well, Let me make you dudes out there a quick list about how to reel in that special lady on a online dating site before I go to bed, so we can all sleep easier, especially you east coast guys with your bad clothes and out of focus truck profile pictures... But I digress...
My list.
-
Spell check and grammar
This is The biggy for me.
If I am reading your profile hoping you we're just in a rush that day and that's why you have sooo many errors and not that you were that ....uummmm... Perhaps not smart.
- Stop with the "easy going, open-mindedness"
That tells me nothing and it is boring. Think of something effing original.
- Pick pictures that make you look attractive.
I know, This seems like it would be a given. Not so much.
- Do not type anything about your ex-girlfriend in your online profile
- Write something witty. Give it a try.
Special East Coast Guys List
- no trucks, ducks, motor bikes or any other boy toy
I suppose this is pretty universal but here on the east it is an epidemic.
- Do Not wear a Keith's (or any other logo) t-shirt, khaki shorts, bad flip flops and a ball hat.
You all look like really, really boring clones. Just saying. I mean, Isn't the point to stand out from the herd?
That is all for now. I know it seems like a pretty obvious and straight forward list but apparently not, since I felt compelled to write it.
Bon dai, I have an 1 hr of sleep before I get up for my lovely early morning Jobbie.
Comfortable, Like old lovers that know each angle and curve. Lustful, like young impulsive strangers eager to learn more. Endless Overwhelming Natural As animals and souls~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Mao ----Sheltered stalactite white cliff harborCave dwellings amoungst iron rod balconies Before Roman times History Smell of flowers never smelt before, birds chirping, glass bottomed boats and palms. Heaven. Meandering roadsNever lost Layers of the agesColors rolling off each other ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I try to forget you Because you want to be gone ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~If I drift long enough I will be home~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Gibraltar ------The strait is now full of color and clouds as the sun goes down. We just saw whales that I can't ID and the water is calm yet currents are still pushing us back. Water is always flowing into the salty Med. Current never runs east. Ancients used to use underwater sails to harness the deep water currents to draw them out into the open sea to explore. I saw the many faces of Gibraltars past, as men used the rock to build fortress after fortress to defend this vital opening. Huge caves on the mountain sides. Along the rest of the coast; windmills, lighthouses and castles dot the distant hills. I wanted to take a monkey. The rest of the crew fought me on this one ... and we sailed on. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Mariner warningLocust swarms from Spain to Morocco are spreading to the Canary Islands. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chinese captain of a fishing boat, who's crew had been out on the water for 6 months, has repeatedly come to the side of the wharf to stare and follow me as I do rust work. He squats and chatters at me a foot or two from my face. I try to explain without giving too much attention to him that in fact I speak no chinese, mandarin or any other asian language. I confirm this fact with my crew mate. He believes non of our charades. Next day he is back. Same stalking situation. I work on, ignoring him and about twenty other admirers. Finally he leaves, to my relief, only to meet up with the owner of our ship a ways down the dock. He offers 200000 African francs for one night with me (which sounds much more impressive than it is). In this world I am regarded as property. Jenn for sail. Karsten tells him "That's not even enough to fix the shit tank!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~No one ever really loves for more than one single moment and No one can really promise you moreFor always, maybe ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Favorite quotes from book Oscar and Lucinda "The stool was made from Devon oak and, while generally dark, was polished to a honey color at it's knees, the point at which two hundred years of hands had picked it up, swung it, set it down, always within this one cottage" Phosphorescence"The sea rolled around the bow as white as milk, studded with bright sparkles of blue light. The milk curdled. The sea was marble with clear black water in between. The white clouds dispersed, but the sparkles remained. Then one of the points suddenly exploded. It was a flare beneath the water. The great ship floated in liquid light." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Light falling at the right angle on what she wishes projected. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I'm not from behind the moon (Common german phrase) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~4am I almost didn't want to go to bed.The Med is so calm that the light show of bioluminescence is incredible. Stars in the sky and reflecting on the waters surface intermingle with the milkiness and the crest from the bow wake, which glows intensely with fluorescent green. Wonderful. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am more then I seem to beIn my outer existence I have to offer explanation to the world In my inner existence I embody the answer For all truth and peace Lie within~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Fav quotes from The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy "Old Janx Spirit" For my head will fly, my tongue will ie, my eyes will fry and I may die. Won't you pour me one more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit. "The ships hung in the air much like bricks don't" "I refuse to prove I exist" says God"For proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."~~~~~~~~~~Brave New World "One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer the punishments that we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~I'd rather struggle in gale force winds with one honest soulThen suffer endless rainbows with a hundred fair weather friends~~~~~~~~~~~The Restaurant at the end of the Universe"You can kill a man, destroy his body, break his spirit, but only the Total Perspective Vortex can annihilate a man's soul! The treatment lasts seconds but the effects last the rest of your life" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I began to think of time as having a shape, something you could see, like a series of liquid transparencies, one laid on top of another. You don't look back along time but down through it like water. Sometimes this comes to the surface, sometimes that but nothing ever goes away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Papillon ~ Henri Charriere "I feel an acute need to spit on your face but I won't for fear I would soil my saliva."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I would bleed if I had life left I would fall if I could even stand to walkI would cry if I had tide to run trough me Without you I cannot seem to be enough of myself,or even look to see her, for fear of the pain in your reflection and residueJC ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A turtle can live stuck on it's back for years ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~As bad as I am, I am proud that I am worse then I seem~~~~~~~~~~~~Something always takes the place of missing pieces you can take and put together even though you know somethings missing. Somethings always missing always someone missing something. ~Beck ~~~~~~~~~~~
trans atlantic s/s
{first published by Sea Siren Tales ~ The Drifting Chronicles on Thursday, 17 September 2009 at 11:01}
Morning HazeThe quiet of only one other set of distant footsteps Em's early morning chocolate and pastry worth more than gold Hungry, cold, tired and buzzed Treasure flies out of bag in slow motionIt hits dewy cobblestones of sin "Shit"It's 8 ish, who knows We wander through narrow still dim streets The sudden yell makes me lose it Hilarious syphilis croissant and mild delirium I laugh and laugh It was still the best choc croissant after the worst coffee everEven with the sequence of vomit globs marking the path ahead of usMakes us laugh even moreMmmm Best breakfast
{first published by Sea Siren Tales ~ The Drifting Chronicles on Thursday, 17 September 2009 at 09:37}
Mom and I arrived in Amsterdam to find the "Bitch", as we so fondly refer to her now, at the hotel screwed up our reservation (long winded story ahead)...and this weekend is the tulip parade and gay fest in town, so there weren't any hotels for miles around the city. Eventually we end up where we are now ...in the middle of nowhere and nothing to do. BUT free internet and a bar in the lobby...(and even a few cute boys) so this may not be the last time some of you hear from me...tonight...I think I will be very bored....besides the boys...but they always seem dull these days...so I will be surprised if that would be different tonight.Paris, on a lighter note, was utterly amazing!!! As stated to many of you before, my mom and I walked for 5+ hours some days...and I mean hoofing it, We saw so much of the city in two days we had to figure out what exactly we wanted to do on the last day as we had checked off everything on our list that we wanted to see...luckily we found the Matisse showing in our quarter and thoroughly enjoyed soaking that in for a few hours. Next time we bring a pedometer...but it's good because we walked off all that cheese, chocolate and wine my aunt fed us in the alps.Our night walks were My favorite...at certain times of the night the Eiffel tower sparkles like a christmas tree and watching from a bridge over the Seine while tour boats and colored lights fill the darkness was magical. Even the romance was ok sometimes...couples everywhere, it's hard not to feel lonely...especially with all the making out everywhere...in restaurants, parks, the burger joints, museums, street corners, clothing shops....just spontaneous kissing and caressing everywhere. UGH...but I guess it goes with the territory. Nutella crepes are better then sex.And in Paris you can get hot latin shirtless guys with fire to serve you drinks!!
{first published by Sea Siren Tales ~ The Drifting Chronicles on Tuesday, 14 April 2009 at 00:42}
happy holidays....i wont get to see any of you because...well i am still off the african coast in a tallship doing diving tours....some havent heard from me in awhile that is why i may be repeating myself)i realized the other day as i was sweating on deck that it is almost christmas!!!! holy cow!!! this is the least that i have ever felt the "cheer"...it was just november the other day wasnt it???i am on am island called sal right now, where we are ancored waiting for and cleaning the boat for the next guests. the beach is white powder and this is probabley the best place in the world to kitesurf and winsurf. the water is sooo blue and warm...like piss really...i am spoiled now...if there is a cloud in the sky i am like...oh its too cold im not going swimming today. and it like 25 degrees for god sake
Yup. Skinny.
{first published by Sea Siren Tales ~ The Drifting Chronicles on Tuesday, 14 April 2009 at 00:15}
learning some great dutchstraylen ikgetting in good troublethis town is like a st andrews with canals, more pubs and german men everywhere...and dutch boys too...and they dance sexy ..yummhaving a blast but glad the cooling temp is driving me southleaving tomor, after mooring the ship, with the captains gazelle of a nephew to visit sanny from st maartens to check out all the parts of town i cant tell my mom about... in amsterdami love this place(lemmer) where i am for once and exotic foreigner...dutch guys love sailing...i sailed here...popular at pubs...i think soloving the chocoade, the koffee, pastries, huge egg rolls (loempias), and of course the cheap brews.hope to hear from you all...i'm not lonely yet though. i promise to always be home before the sun gets up...i tell the captain that so he can sleep at night(says i'm trouble) captain is starting to act like my dad so i am going to be glad to escape that.
{first published by Sea Siren Tales ~ The Drifting Chronicles on Monday, 13 April 2009 at 23:29 }
Hello all that actually care that I have made the voyage. Honesty due to the whole thing I feel more alive then ever!!!!! No negativity pushing me down like extra gravity.Stay with me as I try to put all I want to say in a quick email done from the library where I have no idea how long I have due to the fact all of the signs are in dutch. ya.nee. dank you.Sooooo.... it took 25 days to sail the atlantic. I made it. (List form works best right about now)-Sharks on cresting gale waves as we take down the main sail-a walrus off the grand banks-waves so big from hurricane karl that the whole 100 ft boat rode up one side and down the other...along with the companion fin whale that stayed all day-hundreds of white sided dolphins that you could FEEl through the hull of the boat...at night you could see them swirling around in the bioluminescents AMAZING!!!!-I took the helm on most of the rough weather times (the captain said my blood is part sea water)...picture this if you can...gale 7, tide change, night time, dover strait, huge container boats everywhere and we had to take sails down!! the wheelhouse was lifting off the deck with the sheer power of it all.- Another night we had another gale and the captain said there were things in his cabin that hadn't moved, shifted/flew across the room, in years and at that point we were in the North sea with oil rigs everywhere.-saw a submarine come up right in front of usWe arrived in Ijmuiden, Netherlands Sunday...took a trip on the drug cops/customs zodiac after we (Emily &i) showed them how to make handcuffs out of rope-Went to my first "cafe" ...hung out with the tender after hours at the local hells angels bar "the Cuckoos Nest"-Took in the sights of Amsterdam after sailing up the canal-Now I am in a province named Friesland in a town called Lemmer.so much to tell but getting kicked off the comp...i will write soon again.
My graceful goose.
{first publishedby Sea Siren Tales ~ The Drifting Chronicles on Monday, 13 April 2009 at 23:21}
