Revelations on relationships. It has been a long time since I have been in one.

My head has been pretty singular for about ten years+.
A rarity to be content as one.
Things change.
And here I am. Which I must gloat again, Things with my partner in crime are more then fabulous and I am lucky to have someone as exceptional as him, feel the same about me.
I realized this morning a weird thing that happens to ones brain when we become a coupling. I find we start anticipating some future change or perceived "growth" or "progression" of said relationship into "more".
Although it is always good to want to be better or this more we think of..... Does this not ultimately take us out of the now?
I think it might. Because I remember this feeling from past lives and being the old dog I am, I actually can learn new tricks.
Today I realized an inner change that needs tweaking and it is as simple as that.
Today I truly will be appreciating, loving and living in the moments that are now.
Not in the future. Not in the past.
I would ask you to wish me luck, but I don't think I'll need it.

Shit people do, say and fuck with me about.

My tip jar
My inner sanctum
....
To continue, apres sleep and more work. But not 19+ hrs. Like today/yesterday.
Zzzzzz.
Will blog more.
I should.
I need to.
Because my daily rants are always better then my occassional emotional free pour of words.
I realized the other day that my daily life is pretty amusing. Most of all the many strange strangers I met on a daily basis at any one of my jobs or locations.
What I have discovered, as many of you- especially in the service industry know- people are fucked. And I don't mean that to be rude. I am also on that list.
I mean that- We all have our weirdness. It should be rejoiced and relished.
Stay tuned.
Psp

If I have added you to my list of friends... If I have kept up communications with this someone for years and I tell ya, it would be less hurtful to know why I am no longer valued. I considered you always a friend and a huge part of my past. I broke bread with you. I may or may not have housed and fed you for extended periods of time. Taking you into our home as my own keen. That all, and still does, mean something to me. And somehow, I sit here, thinking what may have done wrong. I can't help think how timely. And I also wonder why Any of the past and my particular relations would still be, somehow, at all relevant, which one can only assume is the case, Seeing as I am most obviously nothing to that person anymore. Not for a long time. But I still loved you like you were my own little brother. What little feelings I have left are hurt. But Sincerely, All the best.

Dreams and synchronicity.

I don't think i have ever talked about my strange dreams that have come to me. And whatever may be behind them. It seems some things have a force of their own. Somethings, No one can explain to me. Like why you were in my space last night. In my bed, talking with me, as if it were 9 ... 10 years ago. It is so stupid really. And cruel. Not having you in my life anymore. Knowing someone has you, your time' your sideways smile, the deepest eyes I ever have seen.
And I go on. I live. I take one step forward every day. To live without you.
It gets fine really. I laugh. I seem to forget.
Then you come into my present by being so vivid in my head. Conversing in my present home. And it is so natural again. And all you see is me.
Not fair.
I call bullshit on this existence where you get to be happy and in love and I get to remember despite myself. When does this hell end for me. It is as if I am haunted.

Dear singles,

So, Occasionally (like every 6 months, give or take) I check my very aged POF dating profile to see if.... I dunno... Something magically happened and there are all of a sudden all these hot, witty MEN on there that I am missing out on, here with my dog and laundry) 

 Well, Let me make you dudes out there a quick list about how to reel in that special lady on a online dating site before I go to bed, so we can all sleep easier, especially you east coast guys with your bad clothes and out of focus truck profile pictures... But I digress... 

My list. 

 - Spell check and grammar
   This is The biggy for me. 
   If I am reading your profile hoping you we're just in a rush that day and that's why you have sooo many errors and not that you were that ....uummmm... Perhaps not smart. 

- Stop with the "easy going, open-mindedness"
  That tells me nothing and it is boring. Think of something effing original. 

- Pick pictures that make you look attractive. 
  I know, This seems like it would be a given. Not so much. 

- Do not type anything about your ex-girlfriend in your online profile 

- Write something witty. Give it a try. 

Special East Coast Guys List 
- no trucks, ducks, motor bikes or any other boy toy
  I suppose this is pretty universal but here on the east it is an epidemic.

- Do Not wear a Keith's (or any other logo) t-shirt, khaki shorts, bad flip flops and a ball hat. 
  You all look like really, really boring clones. Just saying. I mean, Isn't the point to stand out from the herd? 


       That is all for now. I know it seems like a pretty obvious and straight forward list but apparently not, since I felt compelled to write it. 
Bon dai, I have an 1 hr of sleep before I get up for my lovely early morning Jobbie. 

I never thought

Comfortable, Like old lovers that know each angle and curve. 
Lustful, like young impulsive strangers eager to learn more. 
Endless 
Overwhelming 
Natural 
As animals and souls

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Mao 
----
Sheltered stalactite white cliff harbor
Cave dwellings amoungst iron rod balconies 
Before Roman times 
History 
Smell of flowers never smelt before, birds chirping, glass bottomed boats and palms. 
Heaven. 
Meandering roads
Never lost 
Layers of the ages
Colors rolling off each other 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I try to forget you 
Because you want to be gone 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



If I drift long enough I will be home


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Gibraltar 
------
The strait is now full of color and clouds as the sun goes down. We just saw whales that I can't ID and the water is calm yet currents are still pushing us back. Water is always flowing into the salty Med. Current never runs east. Ancients used to use underwater sails to harness the deep water currents to draw them out into the open sea to explore. 
I saw the many faces of Gibraltars past, as men used the rock to build fortress after fortress to defend this vital opening. Huge caves on the mountain sides. 
Along the rest of the coast; windmills, lighthouses and castles dot the distant hills. 
I wanted to take a monkey. 
The rest of the crew fought me on this one ... and we sailed on. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mariner warning
Locust swarms from Spain to Morocco are spreading to the Canary Islands. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chinese captain of a fishing boat, who's crew had been out on the water for 6 months, has repeatedly come to the side of the wharf to stare and follow me as I do rust work. 
He squats and chatters at me a foot or two from my face. I try to explain without giving too much attention to him that in fact I speak no chinese, mandarin or any other asian language. I confirm this fact with my crew mate. 
He believes non of our charades. 
Next day he is back. Same stalking situation. I work on, ignoring him and about twenty other admirers. 
Finally he leaves, to my relief, only to meet up with the owner of our ship a ways down the dock. 
He offers 200000 African francs for one night with me (which sounds much more impressive than it is). In this world I am regarded as property. 
Jenn for sail. 
Karsten tells him 
"That's not even enough to fix the shit tank!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No one ever really loves for more than one single moment 
and 
No one can really promise you more
For always, maybe 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Favorite quotes from book Oscar and Lucinda 

"The stool was made from Devon oak and, while generally dark, was polished to a honey color at it's knees, the point at which two hundred years of hands had picked it up, swung it, set it down, always within this one cottage" 

Phosphorescence
"The sea rolled around the bow as white as milk, studded with bright sparkles of blue light. The milk curdled. The sea was marble with clear black water in between. The white clouds dispersed, but the sparkles remained. Then one of the points suddenly exploded. It was a flare beneath the water. The great ship floated in liquid light." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Light falling at the right angle on what she wishes projected. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I'm not from behind the moon 
(Common german phrase) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4am 
I almost didn't want to go to bed.
The Med is so calm that the light show of bioluminescence is incredible. Stars in the sky and reflecting on the waters surface intermingle with the milkiness and the crest from the bow wake, which glows intensely with fluorescent green. 
Wonderful. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am more then I seem to be
In my outer existence 
I have to offer explanation to the world 
In my inner existence 
I embody the answer 
For all truth and peace 
Lie within


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fav quotes from The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 


"Old Janx Spirit" 
For my head will fly, my tongue will ie, my eyes will fry and I may die. 
Won't you pour me one more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit. 

"The ships hung in the air much like bricks don't" 

"I refuse to prove I exist" says God
"For proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

~~~~~~~~~~


Brave New World 

"One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer the punishments that we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies" 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd rather struggle in gale force winds with one honest soul
Then suffer endless rainbows with a hundred fair weather friends


~~~~~~~~~~~


The Restaurant at the end of the Universe

"You can kill a man, destroy his body, break his spirit, but only the Total Perspective Vortex can annihilate a man's soul! The treatment lasts seconds but the effects last the rest of your life" 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I began to think of time as having a shape, something you could see, like a series of liquid transparencies, one laid on top of another. You don't look back along time but down through it like water. Sometimes this comes to the surface, sometimes that but nothing ever goes away. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Papillon ~ Henri Charriere 
"I feel an acute need to spit on your face but I won't for fear I would soil my saliva."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would bleed if I had life left 
I would fall if I could even stand to walk
I would cry if I had tide to run trough me 
Without you I cannot seem to be enough of myself,
or even look to see her, 
for fear of the pain in your reflection and residue

JC 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A turtle can live stuck on it's back for years 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


As bad as I am, I am proud that I am worse then I seem


~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something always takes the place of missing pieces you can take and put together even though you know somethings missing. Somethings always missing always someone missing something. 
~Beck 

~~~~~~~~~~~

trans atlantic s/s 


{first published by Sea Siren Tales ~ The Drifting Chronicles on Thursday, 17 September 2009 at 11:01}

Red Light District

Morning Haze
The quiet of only one other set of distant footsteps 
Em's early morning chocolate and pastry worth more than gold 
Hungry, cold, tired and buzzed 
Treasure flies out of bag in slow motion
It hits dewy cobblestones of sin 
"Shit"
It's 8 ish, who knows 
We wander through narrow still dim streets 
The sudden yell makes me lose it 
Hilarious syphilis croissant and mild delirium 
I laugh and laugh 
It was still the best choc croissant after the worst coffee ever
Even with the sequence of vomit globs marking the path ahead of us
Makes us laugh even more
Mmmm Best breakfast


{first published by Sea Siren Tales ~ The Drifting Chronicles on Thursday, 17 September 2009 at 09:37}